he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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