I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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