I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
