if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
