Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
