If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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