shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
