im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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