in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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