you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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