I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
