let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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