plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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