hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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