I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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