So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
