Dude my mom stole all your condoms
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
