last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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