He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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