Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
