shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
