he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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