I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
