never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
