dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
