Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
