We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
