so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
