If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
