She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize