Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
