I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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