I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
