how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
