i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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