and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
