Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
