You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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