i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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