Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
