if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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