I didn't shave. On purpose
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
