Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
