I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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