My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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