This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
