his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
