I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
