I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
