I accidentally had phone sex last night
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize