If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize