As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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