he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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