my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
