Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
