Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
