i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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