What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
third nipple confirmed
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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