he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
