guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
