omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize