I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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