Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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