ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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