are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
