Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize