I'm lost and stupid without you.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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