I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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