I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Mom said you looked used
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
