There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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