Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
