How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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