Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
