No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
