plz talk dirty to me
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
