I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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