You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
