Umm I'm too high to move.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
