ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
