Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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