Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
