just tell him i said nine months
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
