He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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