Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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