Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Panties = found
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
