I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
