White coat. Heels.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have feelings that need drinking.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
