now i know why i became what i already was.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
