I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
