pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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