he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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