Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
