what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
