That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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