Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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