The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
