i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
