she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
