you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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