I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Found the puke drawer
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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