He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
