I don't usually arrange sex via text message
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize