Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I need a burrito and a hug.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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