He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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