he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
