It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
