Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
