so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
