Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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