i think my mom watched the whole time
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
